Day 85: Transitioning

I am exactly one month behind on my journal. To shed light on what’s really been going on I must first be honest about my own thoughts and feelings. Things have been moving at their typical pace – slow on bad days and time warp speed on the good ones. Bad days are not triggered by any external circumstances, but rather my own state of mind. These days are not predominant by any means, but they have become more frequent as I’ve searched for direction in how my remaining time should be spent. As I question my purpose, I get bogged down with doubt and discouragement. I start to wonder if four months is really enough. I ask God what I am supposed to do when I return to the States, but instead of listening I let my own ideas cloud my head. Then I am disappointed in myself when I realize these thoughts have affected my attitude. Because of my worries a whole day is wasted.

This internal monologue has been going on since summer school let out. My life is once again a see-saw of indecision. As I try to make a decision on how I should spend my last two months I realize I don’t have to go back in November. Some of the things I would do require I stay longer. Given that choice to make, I’ve complicated things by worrying about tomorrow and the next day. In my heart I desire more than anything to follow God’s will, but I don’t think there is a right or wrong decision as long as God is given control. I don’t know what I’m looking for or how I expect God to answer, so living with this big question mark has been frustrating. There are days when I feel certain I should stay longer and take on more responsibilities and then the rational side compels me to stick with the original plan and go back to America to get a job. These choices are coupled with so many competing factors: missing family, the rewards of serving, the approaching deadline for grad school applications, a depleted savings account, etc. I guess I am cursed with two equally appealing options. Even though my current plan is to stay until December things are not set in stone - fears of making a resolute decision and the consequences that will follow hold me back. To make matters worse I can’t even rely on my emotions to make a decision because they are constantly changing. Now that I have been here longer I’ve experienced a more intense range of emotions. One day I am filled with exhilaration and the next I feel total weariness. One thing is certain, whenever I am at Destiny with Hareg and Yonatin I know I could stay indefinitely. Their resolve to improve the school inspires me on a daily basis.

That being said, the past month has revealed to me a more in-depth perspective of what Cherokee is doing and how it fits in the bigger picture of international development. With a new group here and a slower work week due to the millennium holiday I’ve gotten a chance to spend more time at other NGO’s. The opportunities to serve are endless; we’ve been in contact with numerous organizations that are making a major impact on the lives of the poor. Even though Cherokee Gives Back is still defining what it looks like on the ground I think it has been very successful in partnering with some of the most successful NGO’s in Addis. We have a network of entities that range from the essential relief efforts for orphans and street kids as well as projects in job creation, health care, and education. All are critical for obtaining sustainability in an emerging nation.

But before I touch on all of that I must backtrack to my last week of school. School ended on August 30th. Seven weeks passed by faster than I had anticipated. I developed a close bond with my students in the final weeks and started to dread the end. I also felt the pressure to make sure they had learned something worthwhile. The Friday before our last week I offered the class the option of doing a group project. They took a vote and decided to write a script and then perform it in front of the school on the last day. Seemed simple enough. On Monday we assigned roles and started the script writing. They decided on a rendition of Cinderella. Then Tuesday we continued to work on the script, but with English as a second language it was hard to keep all 27 kids focused on writing a dialogue. In the end, the kids did not get the final script until Wednesday and the performance was scheduled for Thursday. A sinking feeling came over me as I realized I was a terrible director and playwright. As we rehearsed the skit in the nursery I could see disaster written all over it. I tried to let go of my desire for perfection and settle for something short of failure. It was fun to watch them try to convey the proper emotion in their lines. The older kids had been given the major parts and they gave the littler kids more confidence. Their shyness melted away and by our final rehearsal they seemed to be really into it. As Wednesday came to an end I tried to offer my final pleas for line memorization and prayed that the scenes would at least be acted out in the right order.


My summer school kids on the last day of school.

On Thursday I left the house extra early to purchase donuts and cakes for my class. Most of them came to school early. We ate the treats and then the six older students read to the class the Millennium essays they had prepared. Hareg came for the presentations and offered constructive criticism. They did a great job. Then we assembled and rehearsed Cinderella (Ethiopian style) on our make-shift stage. The nursery has a curtain dividing the nap area from the rest of the room which provided the backdrop. I was stunned to find that all of them had memorized their lines in one night. It was a miracle. I was so proud of them. After two rehearsals the audience of younger students assembled in rows of tiny chairs.


The primary students at Destiny Academy and captive audience.

Then the play began and it went off without a hitch even spurring laughter at the appropriate moments. I had underestimated my students; and I fell in love with each one of them.


Cinderella: Trying on the "glass slipper."

When the play was over the class took a bow and then awards were presented to the top students of each class.


My students take a bow after their performance of Cinderella.

I hated choosing only two after the effort all of them had just shown, but I selected one boy and one girl. Adi because she made a 100% on every test and Mesfin because he had gone from the one complaining on the first day to being a proven leader and role model in his effort and participation. Then Namuna got everyone’s attention and gave a speech on behalf my class thanking me for being their teacher. Some of them were crying. They presented me with a purse and matching scarf and a cute pair of shoes which fit perfectly. I knew they had planned something because for the past week there had been snickering and the collection of money each morning. I cry at their sweet gesture even now. I know how little they could afford. When that was over school was dismissed, but I asked my students to meet in class before they left. I had written each one of them a note in their journal and gave them pencils. Then I asked if they wanted to finish “School Story,” the book we had been reading together in class. All of them said yes. When that was finished I hugged them all good-bye and many of them couldn’t hold back tears. It broke my heart, but it was also the most special gift they gave me. Since they are too old to go to Destiny during the school year I won’t see most of them ever again. But, every once in awhile I’ll see one of them hanging around the school. Natnael, the one who had struggled so much with reading, ran up to me the other day and just stood in front of me smiling. He couldn’t respond to many of my questions, but there is definitely an improvement in his confidence. I was so happy to see him.

School ended and then the first arrivals of our new group from Cherokee came on Tuesday. But I’ll have to continue later…it’s time for me to substitute teach at Destiny.